crucify my love

2003-03-27T21:32:00.000-10:00

Okay okay...hate me all you want, I don't care.

I've found something that's more or less better than blogger. Pitas. So, I'm cutting ties with blogger PERMANENTLY. That's right kiddes. My new url is http://usilion.pitas.com. No more dumbass errors! No more ads! HOORAY!

So, this is my last post. It's funny...I changed the layout to the VERY first one I had evar. Well, anyways, time to say goodbye! *spits on Blogger* Rot in hell, bitch.

2003-03-27T03:21:00.000-10:00

Okay, all my archive links will once again be on the main page. Why? Cuz I can't figure out how to make the links keep from repeating over and over and over. Yeah.

2003-03-26T20:04:00.000-10:00

he he he....the error was my fault...I didn't put blogger tags in the archive page...he he he...

2003-03-26T05:20:00.000-10:00

Hah. This always happens, doesn't it? I say something about a new blog and within hours I have a new one. But this one's gonna stay for a while! *licks Mana repeatedly* I've always wanted a Mana layout...so I did it. Mmmm, the sexiness. He's so pretty in this picture! *pet pet* This is Mana back in the good ole Malice Mizer days, a la Gardenia. Much loving. God, I love that man. So yes, happy first anniversary even though it's a month early to this thing.

EXCEPT FOR THAT STUPID BANNER THAT PUSHES THE IMAGE DOWN! *kicks blogger, gasp pant wheeze*

~~Now I'm going to work on archives.~~ ~~I think they're finished.~~ It's not refreshing what I have....and BLOGGER KEEPS GIVING ME THIS ERROR! RAGH!

I want my own domain so bad...no more of this shit...

Okay...this is the error I'm getting: Error 104: java.lang.NullPointerExcept. I checked the troubleshoot page of Blogger, tried what it suggested, and that didn't work. So I click on the link that's supposed to be more helpful. IT'S BROKEN. UGH! I hate you blogger....

2003-03-26T02:33:00.000-10:00

You know what? This damn thing is nearly a year old. On April 23, this thing'll be a year old. God. I've concluded these things from reading my archives:

1) Damn was I whiny.
2) I've matured somewhat. Hopefully.
3) Quiz posts have been cut dramatically...Jeebus...@_x
4) ...my early posts were fairly simple. Am I still that simple?
5) Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam! Nuff said.
6) Lookie. Animecastle went and made me go chibi. Now I'm sitting here sipping on Pepsi One with angry fizzles coming out of my head. <---that's like...the cutest thing I've ever said. Hell, my earlier posts were all kinda cute...o.O
7) I had a lot of layouts.

Uh...I stopped reading after July. I got bored. ^_^() Murr...

Ugh. I just lost all train of thought.

But yeah...I'm gonna do a blog layout for the one-year anniversary. Something...narrow. o.O Yeah, narrow. And redo the archives. Stuff like that.

2003-03-24T21:02:00.000-10:00

Ugh. I hate wayyyyyyyyy too much today. Gonna have to watch it tomorrow. I don't wanna gain any weight. @_@

*sigh* My room's basically finished. Dad put down the carpet and killed the roach that crawled over my foot a few days ago. I put all my books on my new bookcase and straightened things up...

I guess I could take a picture, if everyone wants to see it. There's nothing really different. 'Cept how the windows are, I guess.

*sigh* My scanner isn't hooked up. Keenspace isn't taking new users right now, so I can't sign up for the strip I want to start (other than the Ghetto Kids one). So much to do it seems...

I've got roughly a week before school starts again. It's gonna be lovely. I hate school so much. It sucks to force myself to smile and interact when I just want to put my head down and melt into the floor. I miss Escambia. I miss knowing faces, and being completely familiar to the school and teachers, and all my friends, and all that I knew. Things were fine for me. I was perfectly happy. The only thing I had to worry about was keeping my friends/girlfriend happy, and my grades up. That's it.

......no no no no angst. @_@

I need sleep. Night.

2003-03-24T03:55:00.000-10:00

This post has been deleted because I now realize how utterly STUPID it was of me to post a link to my fanfic. It ain't coming back. Don't ask.

2003-03-24T01:06:00.000-10:00

I'm on a survey frenzy. Stolen from Jimmy-chan. Nyah.

name: Joice
do you like it?: Not really, but it's better than Jessica Danielle.
nicknames: J-chan, Usilion/Usi, wuvbunny
screen names: Usilion Pope/Usilion/Usi-chan
age: 16
birthday: June 30th, 1986
sign: cancer @_@
location: Wahiawa Hawaii
school: Leilehua
natural hair color: brown.*blah* <--must agree with Jimmy
current hair color: brown w/reddish brown highlights
eye color: really dark friggen brown @_@
height: apparently I'm 5'8" now ^_^()
weight: @_@ ...210 ...I gained twenty during Christmas Break, which was when I moved from Pensacola. Depression and holidays don't match when you're a big eater. But I've lost ten since then, so it's getting better. Murr. @_@ I can't wait until I weigh 150.
birthplace: Rota, Spain
shoe size: 9-10, it depends on the shoe

[ family ]
parents: Danny and Carmela
siblings: Josh (24), Justin (15), Jake (12)
live with: Parents and two younger brothers
favorite relative: Aunt Sissy

[ this or that ] (I agreed with Jimmy with most of these, so I didn't have to change much)
me/you: uh...you
coke/pepsi: pepsi
day/night: definately night
aol/aim: aim
cd/cassette: cd
dvd/vhs: dvd
jeans/khakis: jeans
car/truck: car
tall/short: tall
gap/old navy: old navy
lipstick/lipgloss: lipgloss
silver/gold: DEFINATELY silver.. i hate gold
alcohol/weed: alcohol

[ love and relationships ]
do you have a bf/gf?: yep
do you have a crush?: nope
why do you like this person?: there aren't enough words that would correctly state the reasons why I love her so much
how long was your longest relationship?: One year, one month, one day...and it's still going. ^_^
how long was your shortest relationship?: I don't remember.
who was your first love?: Jimmy *u_u*
what do you miss about them?: Being hugged. Because he was the first male I liked to hug. ^_^() I can't say only because I like Bobby hugs too.
[ the past ]
what is the one thing you would change about your past?: I wouldn't have ate so damn much.
what is the biggest mistake you've made in your life?: I once thought that it was ending my relationship with Jimmy. My freshman year I really missed him and felt awful that I had let him go because, at the moment, I felt completely unloved and I thought that he was the only one who had cared for me. However, I was proved wrong on Feburary 23th, 2002. And I've made a lot of mistakes...so I can't say which one was the biggest. @_@
last thing you heard: something on tv
last thing you saw: the comp screen?
last thing you said: dunno
who is the last person you saw?: My dad getting up from the comp.
who is the last person you kissed?: Taku
who is the last person you hugged?: some member of the family I assume
who is the last person you fought with?: Taku @_@
who is the last person you were on the phone with?: see above answer
what is the last TV show you saw?: something about Kurds in Turkey
what is the last song you heard?: dunno @_@

[ the present ]
what are you wearing?: baggy jeans, baggy tommy t-shirt
who are you talking to?: no one, everyone's asleep
what are you listening to? nothing
where are you?: in the living room
who are you with?: no one
are you online?: yup
how are you feeling?: zoned out
are you in a chatroom?: no

[ future ]
what day is it tomorrow?: tuesday
what are you going to do after this?: sit on the comp...maybe write
who are you going to talk to?: I dunno
where are you going to go?: probably to bed after a few
how old will you be when you graduate?: 17...I think.
what do you wanna be?: JET...Japanese/English teacher. Eh. I'm gonna major in Japanese and maaaaaaaybe Japanese culture if it's offered. What can I really do with that? *shrug*
what is one of your dreams?: to write a book
where will you be in 25 years? hopefully with Taku in London
[ have you ever ]
drank?: yes
smoked?: no...tried to, yes...
stolen?: from my parents, yeah...mostly candy though. @_@
done anything illegal?: maybe...I can't remember
wanted to die?: a few times
hit someone?: yes

[ other ]
do you write in cursive or print?: print
are you a lefty or a righty?: righty
do you drive?: no, damnit
do you have glasses or braces?: glasses...looking at a comp probably did it
did you like this survey?: ...i guess
[ physical appearance ]
what do you most like about your body?: probably my eyes...even if they're blah
and least?: everything else
how many fillings do you have?: three/four
do you think you're good looking?: hell no
do other people often tell you that you're good-looking?: often? no
do you look like any celebrities?: nope
[ fashion ]
do you wear a watch?: yep
how many coats and jackets do you own?: ...three I think
favorite pants/skirt color?: deneneneim (demin)
most expensive item of clothing?: probably the gap outfit or fleece I got for XMas
most treasured?: my FFVII t-shirt
describe your style in one word: blah

2003-03-22T05:00:00.000-10:00

I see: the comp screen
I need: a job...a life...
I find: that Dir en Grey is slowly becoming less annoying
I want: a one way ticket to Pensacola
I have: Pepsi One
I wish: I could live in my perfect fantasy world with my special someone...and so much more.
I love: lots of people :D
I hate: too many things to count
I miss: my friends
I fear: death...being alone...losing my loved ones...
I feel: drawn out and ass pain
I hear: Miiiiiiiiyaaaaaaaaviiiiii
I smell: nothing, my nose is stuffed
I crave: a Flake bar
I search: for a meaning in my existance
I wonder: what's gonna happen to me in the future
I regret: a bunch of shit

When was the last time you ...

Smiled?: Dunno...probably the last time I was on the phone with Taku.
Laughed?: This afternoon, I think
Cried?: a couple of days ago
Bought something?: I don't remember.
Danced?: @_@ uh...
Were sarcastic?: see above answer
Kissed someone?: I won't go there....;_;
Talked to your ex? Gah...a couple of days ago.
Had a nightmare?: Dani's dreamcatcher takes care of those.

A Last time for everything.......

Last book you read: Memoirs of a Geisha
Last movie you saw: 8 Mile...though it was only bits and pieces
Last song you heard: Girls, be Ambitious by Miyavi
Last thing you had to drink: Pepsi One
Last time you showered: six, seven hours ago

Do You...

Smoke?: Nope
Do drugs?: Nope
Have sex?: ...*cough*
Sleep with stuffed animals?: No, I always wind up throwing them on the floor.
Live in the moment?: Uh, I don't think so.
Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: Yes...^_^
Last thing you ate: cake
Have a dream that keeps coming back?: Not that I can remember.
Play an instrument?: A little bit of piano, clarinet (though I haven't touched that damn thing since sophmore year), and sing (only a little though @_@)
Believe there is life on other planets?: Yep
Remember your first love?: Yeah...^_^() *pats Jimmy*
Still love him/her?: Yeah, but not in that kinda way.
Read the newspaper?: Nope
Have any gay or lesbian friends?: Definitely. *huggles B-chan and Jimmy*
Believe in miracles?: Uh...I dunno. I don't think I've seen one happen.
Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: Oh yeah.
Consider yourself tolerant of others?: Yes...painfully so...@_@
Consider love a mistake: Love is never a mistake.
Like the taste of alcohol?: Depends on what you're drinking. I love how it burns. *shrug*
Have a favorite candy?: Hell yes.
Believe in astrology?: um...yeah.
Believe in magic?: What's your definition of "magic"?
Believe in God?: Noooooo.
Pray?: Only if I really need to talk to someone. *huggles Akatriel* I still think about you, sweetie!
Go to church?: Nope.
Have any secrets?: Yep.
Have any pets?: Not at the moment.
Talk to strangers who instant message you?: Sometimes.
Wear hats?: Nope, I look stupid.
Have any piercings?: Ears only.
Have any tattoos?: Nope
Hate yourself?: Hate isn't strong enough.
Have an obsession?: Yep yep
Have a secret crush?: No. ~_~
Collect anything?: Does manga count?
Wish on stars?: Occasionally.
Like your handwriting?: It blows big hairy Tamahome balls.
Have any bad habits?: Yep.
Care about looks: no...because...*trails off because she knows someone'll hit her for that*
Believe in witches?: I'll need evidence for that.
Believe in Satan?: I prefer to call him Lucifer, the Morning Star, the most beautiful (and vain) angel in Heaven before he fell...do you ever think that after spending all of Time in Hell he would lose the cockyness that caused him to fall? Maybe he's misunderstood. Who knows. I believe he exists, yes.
Believe in ghosts?: Eh...sorta...
Current job?: Sitting on my ass in front of the computer.
Car?: None so far.

2003-03-21T13:16:00.000-10:00

Ah...band memories...XP....

Note: The Amanda mentioned isn't you, Taku-chan. It's fucking Amanda Hayden, the cunt that I luv to hate.

Usilion: You will always be special, Yasmin. You were the first upperclassmen I ever liked.
Usilion: yep
Usilion: man^
KalaMekiv: aw
KalaMekiv: I am teh spacial
Usilion: I'm serious...out of the clarinet section I really only liked you and Kevin.
Usilion: You weren't like the rest of the dumbfucks.
Usilion: you WEREN'T one, that's why
KalaMekiv: yeah.
KalaMekiv: I loved fucking with everyone else.\
KalaMekiv: they were stupid ass stuckup bitches.
Usilion: Do you remember the clarinet section being bitched at by Jill because she could only hear us playing Bohemian Rhapsody? XP
Usilion: Kevin didn't give a shit about playing anyways.
KalaMekiv: haha, that was classic
KalaMekiv: Kevin was like
Usilion: Why the hell was Kevin in band?
KalaMekiv: "I'm here for the trips lalalala..."
Usilion: oh
KalaMekiv: and Hannah
Usilion: hehe
Usilion: god, Hannah
Usilion: @_@
KalaMekiv: wh
KalaMekiv: Yeah, he liked Hannah
KalaMekiv: still does
KalaMekiv: lol.
Usilion: no, he LURVES her
KalaMekiv: YEHS
KalaMekiv: YESH*
Usilion: her and her w0nd3r br4 self
KalaMekiv: LOL
KalaMekiv: Hannah was cool.
Usilion: I heard Krystal and Christina complain about that so much.
KalaMekiv: Now, Amanda... was fucking stupid.
KalaMekiv: haha.
Usilion: ARGH!
Usilion: I HATED THAT BITCH.
KalaMekiv: Amanda tried too damn much to be like Hannah.
KalaMekiv: I'm like
KalaMekiv: "Just STOP, Jesus."
Usilion: I KNOW Jill and whoever made me march next to her because they knew I HATED her.
Usilion: AND JAMES!
Usilion: UGH!
Usilion: Tarzan's little bro needs to be shot to hell!
KalaMekiv: argh, James
KalaMekiv: that annoying fucker.
Usilion: I hated that fucker
KalaMekiv: I swear, I damn near killed that son of a bitch last year
Usilion: why?
Usilion: what happened?
KalaMekiv: because he's a pain in the ass
KalaMekiv: and he back talked me once.
KalaMekiv: I went off on him
Usilion: o.o
Usilion: yeh!
KalaMekiv: the section leaders bitched me out, lala
Usilion: lol
KalaMekiv: I'm like
KalaMekiv: "Well, maybe if you were doing your JOB, I wouldn't be bitching him out."
KalaMekiv: damn, did that piss Melissa off XD
Usilion: Melissa was a bitch anyways.
KalaMekiv: Gawd, I would have made a damn good section leader.
Usilion: Oh yeah
Usilion: and I would've loved kissing your ass
KalaMekiv: haha.
Usilion: I liked freshman year...I got to march by you...
KalaMekiv: Ha, yeah.
Usilion: and didn't have to deal with dummies
Usilion: and annoying freshmen
Usilion: even though I was one fucked up freshman
KalaMekiv: you were saner than most of the other asses
Usilion: not by much XP
KalaMekiv: you weren't like the other asshead freshmen
KalaMekiv: I was like
KalaMekiv: "Oh Good God, what the fuck..."
Usilion: I had my moments though.
KalaMekiv: don't we all?
Usilion: Like when I called Kevin my bass clarinet's daddy XD
KalaMekiv: some just have them more than...others
KalaMekiv: wtf, lol.
Usilion: Don't you remember that?
KalaMekiv: no.
Usilion: Kevin looked like he was ready to hurt me
KalaMekiv: lol.
Usilion: but yeah, he was my bass clarinet's daddy for a while
Usilion: then I just dropped it
KalaMekiv: lol
KalaMekiv: for fear of being killed.
Usilion: yeah @_@
KalaMekiv: man, you know
Usilion: *kicks Amanda for being a stupid cunt whore*
KalaMekiv: Mr. H was all like
KalaMekiv: "Why didn't you try out for section leader? You would have been the only one to make them work."
Usilion: XD You never did see me spit water all over Mr. H.
Usilion: I know!
KalaMekiv: I;m like, "One can only handle two years of disappointment after trying out twice."
Usilion: Sophmore year would've been a lot more fun if you had been section leader.
KalaMekiv: the Clarinet section woulda been a hell of a lot smaller.
KalaMekiv: because people would be DROPPING BAND.
KalaMekiv: I don't put up with bullshit.
Usilion: I know.
Usilion: I would've been like the only one you wouldn't want to strangle.
Usilion: XP
KalaMekiv: you and maybe Kevin.
KalaMekiv: because I'd like ...."Well, he doesn't give a fuck anyway."
Usilion: No, you always fought with Kevin about who was gonna rule the world.
KalaMekiv: Oh, there's no fight
KalaMekiv: we all know I;m going to take over the world.
Usilion: lol

2003-03-20T15:23:00.000-10:00

Damn. I kinda like this.

Today is the beginning of tomorrow, and is the results of yesterday's struggles. Now we fight, we fight for superfical freedom and glory, when bitterness and revenge fill our bones. Now is the time for boys to become men, and girls to become women. Now is the time for them to lock horns with their "enemy". Let the blood of the innocent stain them red, stain any purity remaining the color of life.
Let the man cry for the daughter he never cared about, let the man cry for the daughter who died in his arms. Let the man cry for the daughter who had never tasted life.
Let the woman cry for the son she never praised once, let the woman cry for the son she blamed her wasted youth on. Let the woman cry for the son who whispered "Mama, I love you" before his eyes glazed over with death.
And when the smoke finally clears, and you're standing there in death, release it. When the fire finally ends, let your pain and the taste of dirt in your mouth remind you. And when your worn hands hold that gun for the last time, let it be for the last time.
Tomorrow is the beginning of the future, and is the results of today's struggles. Now we rest, we rest our hollow bones, the superfical freedom and glory a gritty, sour residue. Now is the time for our men and women to return, our aged men and women, their eyes lost and empty. They are stained red, filthy red, and their purity is no more. The color of life has shredded them all.

2003-03-20T14:52:00.000-10:00

Subject: I HATE COCKROACHES!
Listening to: Dir en Grey--Embryo

UUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH EWWWWWWWWIEEEEEEEES!!!

Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ewwwwwwww....

My parents put some carpet that was packed from our old house in my room, still rolled up. So I thought I would unroll it and lay it down...but when I was unrolling it a HUGE cockroach came out of it and crawled over my BARE foot. Oh god it was soo gross, I could feel it's legs, ugh...and yes, I screamed like a little girl and jumped back. My parents must've thought I was being tortured or something...they ran upstairs and burst into my room. When I told them what happened, they weren't happy cuz I scared them, so I heard much cursing and "Jesus Christ, Mem" before they went downstairs.

Of course, I wasn't about to stay in my room. So I came down and yelled at my father to go kill it or move the rug outta my room. Which he won't do. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Ewwwwww ew ew ew ew ew ewwwwwwwww....

2003-03-19T22:04:00.000-10:00

Subject: War, Friends, and other Crap
Listening to: Dir en Grey--Psycho

My family has been watching the news all fucking day, and it's annoying as hell. I've realized that I hate Bush. There are no true reasons for the war, imo. I think it's all personal, and Bush needs to go fuck himself. The US has no right to throw it's weight around. So, France, Germany, and all the other countries who don't support Bush: I applaud you. You obviously have more brains than we do. And for the love of Michael, I refuse to change the names of things just because it has the word FRENCH in it. That is absolutely STUPID. Who the hell wants to play a "Freedom" Horn or eat "Freedom" fries?

I love my country, but I hate all the dumbasses in it. It gets old. We're supposed to be the "best", but right now, our world opinion is pretty shitty, eh? It's all thanks to Bush. Fucker. Everyone's all concerned with this Iraq-crap...but what about North Korea? North Korea's been testing missiles. North Korea tried to intercept an US plane over international waters. I think they're more of a problem than Iraq! But my Big Bad Navy Chief of a father said "Oh Mem, N. Korea is just showing it's ass. They won't do anything." Yeah, uh-huh. Watch...we'll be absorbed with Iraq...then boom! We've got another Pearl Harbor bombing. And the US can't really do shit about N. Korea because of China, eh? What a situation that is. Much agreement with Kala, my l337 Mother. XD

But yeah, I'm scared I'm gonna get boomed. It's an internal paranoia that's probably really stupid, but I can't help but think about it. Hawaii is a LOT closer to N. Korea than the mainland. @_@ Ehh...I'll shut up now. I don't wanna scare people.

I'm upset. B-chan is online, but she's upset and totally ignoring me. It's starting to piss me off. Talk to me child! Damnit, don't do this...;_; I love you...please don't ignore me...

Wooo...Kurenai is almost done! Two more pages and it's ready for the world! Bout damn time, eh? I'm also working with AJ with farf.com and on a Dir en Grey wallpaper site. @_@ I'm a busy girl. Not really. :p

And I proudly announce that I have lost 7 pounds. ^______^ ....however, I've got 63 to go. @_@ *huggles her Pepsi One* Thank Michael for 1 calorie soda. And walking. Which I'm gonna do tomorrow. Oh, that reminds me. Batteries for da CD player.

I've almost got the digital camera completely hooked up. Meaning pics for all you peeps! I'll probably add a folder to kurenai for you guys' viewing pleasure or something.

I've also fallen in love with Miyavi. @_@ I've only got three songs by him though...want...more...damn...Kazaa...blah. I'm just ranting now.

*huggles all her friends* I love you guys.

2003-03-17T15:27:00.000-10:00

Subject: Hawaii = Spam's Bitch (aka the Honolulu Festival Parade)
Listening to: Tonic--If You Could Only See

Well, we left about 2:30ish, and it took us about fourty-five minutes to get to Wakiki. Traffic's always hell down here. But yeah, it was fucking cold on the bus and since I was sitting alone I spent the trip staring out the window. And being cold. I realized that O'ahu has not one mountain range...but two! One on the east side of the island, the other on the west. Most of the towns and stuff are in the middle of the island or on the coast. Like Honolulu and Wakiki. So yeah, it was cold, and I stared at fuzzy mountains and weird tropical scenery while it rained (no rainbows though, hah) until we arrived. We stood around for a half hour until we got our hoppi coat and obi. (they were gay looking ~_~) So we put those on, and we were allowed to move closer to the beginning of the parade.

Nomura-sensei said that over 4,600 people from Japan came to participate in the parade. I could believe it too. There were dancers and singers and drum players and floats and musicians...god I could go on and on. There were elaborate costumes (I saw a few women dressed in gorgeous kimono and had their hair up with elaborate hair ornaments and zori and everything...some men in what looked like the dress of policemen centuries ago...some looked like the Japanese version of a clown suit...some were in dresses, some in kimono...some in split robes with baggy pants...it went on and on) We were gonna be in the parade second to last, so we got to see everyone line up and go. We were orginally gonna carry a mikoshi (it was a small shrine on top of long poles...it jiggled when it bounced) but it turns out we had been assigned to pull a giant straw rice bag. Literally. (It was on wheels, but we still had to pull it) Apparently, it's a festival in northern Japan. There would be a tug of war with someone atop the rice bag that would determine the rice harvest (it's also 400 years old). So that's why we pulled it. The Japanese who worked with the rice bag float were older, and were very kind. They gave out five-yen coins (which is a good warn for relationships) and little dolls (they teeter and totter but don't fall down). It was fun working with them, though we couldn't understand them.

I saw three or four ramen shops while walking down Wakiki's mainstrip. I'm gonna have to go there someday.

So, after walking for more than an hour and a half, we finally finish. We pulled the float to the side, thanked the Japanese, and went to go get our bento. It had Spam in it for chrissake's. Rice, tsukemono, tonkatsu, veggies, chicken...and a piece of spam. @_@

Then we got on the bus and went home. I got a free t-shirt too. My hands don't hurt, but my feet do a little. But yeah, it was fun.

Um, I'm done now.

2003-03-17T14:25:00.000-10:00

If I had a shitload of money, I would buy these things from various webcomic stores.

From Mac Hall
this this this this and this

From PVP
this and this

From Megatokyo
this this this this this and this

2003-03-16T21:23:00.000-10:00

I just got back from the Honolulu Festival Parade, but I'm too tired to post shit about it.

2003-03-15T22:57:00.000-10:00

Wazaa.

I'm gonna be in the Honolulu Festival Parade ~~today~~ TOMORROW, so you won't see me online for most of the day. It's from 2:15 to 9:30/10:00 my time, which is really late for you guys in the mainland (the continental US). I shall post what happened when I get home. Luv ya!

Ohhhhhh I need to make a list of the webcomics I read. ~~I'm also too lazy to post links.~~

Megatokyo
PVP
MacHall
Something Positive
Boy Meets Boy
Skyfall
Hybrid Genesis
Sinfest
(occasionally) Penny Arcade

I think that's it...

2003-03-14T10:52:00.000-10:00

Quiz post again! (Stolen from Kaenix)

You're Kaoru! You went to the hospital because you
had anemia and got food poisoning because
Toshiya fed you wierd things. It's not your
fault!

Which Hospitalized J-rock Theatre J-rocker are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

...gee, that's great. ~_~

You are 'le ciel' by Malice Mizer!

Which sad j-rock song are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Eee..that song is pretty sad.

The Yaoi Selector: Which Uke are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

The Yaoi Selector: Which Seme are You?
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...that's just wrong. O.o

This is the last one!

Quiz by buntz

2003-03-12T18:54:00.000-10:00

...creepy. Jake's going to the doctor because he has blood in his urine...

2003-03-12T13:58:00.000-10:00

Hybrid Genesis <---this webcomic rocks. Too bad it's really young, there's no huge archive that I could lovingly swim through. ;_;

*and glomps Bobby* We're talking we're talkingggg...!

*does the Spring Break dance* Yay!

....okay I'm done.

2003-03-12T07:32:00.000-10:00

Jeebus. @.x Jimmy, the next time we talk...I need to tell you about the dream I had last night. @_@

*cough* I guess I should explain a little. I've got time before I go to catch the bus. ^_^

Jimmy and I have known each other since the Stone Ages. Okay, not QUITE that long. More like ten years. I don't remember exactly how our parents met (I guess I can assume through the Navy) but I do remember going to his house (on Mariner Village) for the first time. I was like six or seven. Something like that. ^_^() So yeah, his parents and mine have been friends, so we've been friends (even though he asked me to marry him when he was like...eight) and a little bit more than friends (he was my very first real-live boyfriend. I also wanted to marry him and have a bunch of kids. ~_~). But shit happens, and more shit happens...blah blah. So we're talking again. Ayup.

I should go and finish getting ready. Ja.

2003-03-11T19:01:00.000-10:00

I'm only posting this because Legolas is a sexy bitch.

Congratulations! You're Legolas!

Which Lord of the Rings character and personality problem are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

...and because Gackt's a sexy bitch.

GACKT should suit you!

Which JROCK male should suit YOU?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-03-11T18:48:00.000-10:00

Eeeeeeee, okay, it's time for the really really long post about all that I've done since arriving in paradise (not). Be prepared for a lot of reading, I guess. It all depends. I may get lazy (duh) and stop midway. But I shall try my best! *strikes a pose*

First of all, the flight from Dallas to Honolulu SUCKED big fuzzy balls. Ten hours on your ass is not pleasant. I'm sure some of you know this/have heard about it/whatever. Especially when the man sitting next to you falls asleep then jerks awake screaming "FUCK". o.O He scared the bejesus outta me! But I was able to knock myself out and forget about him. The flight from Nashville to Dallas was pleasant though. I got a window seat. Clouds are so very pretty up high!

Woo...grape rush. *eats another* Ahem.

The first thing I saw coming out of Honolulu International Airport was the mountain range. It's ugly. They're fuzzy Rocky Mountains with no snow on top. The trees and plant life here are so interesting! It sorta reminds me of Pensacola...but more...weird. ~_~ I'll have to take pictures. There are a lot of hills. Some of the trees are very oriental looking. I also got to see a banana tree and a papaya tree and pineapple fields. Miles and miles and miles of pineapples like you wouldn't believe. Dole has a plantation here and a "pineapple maze" that's the largest in the world. One of the many things I want to see. I also wanna see some big ass waves! We went to North Shore once, but no big waves, damnit. I wanna gawk in awe. ~_~

I've seen Waikiki! It's great. Mom plans on going down and walking through it someday, and I'm going with her. There are so many Japanese shops there! There are posters in the windows in Japanese, and food shops, and an international marketplace and tons more! Once I get a job and some money I'm gonna buy you guys tons of stuff and send it out!

God I'm genki today. @_@

Anyways...umm...yes, there are a ton of Asian people here. TONS of Japanese. It's great. All my teachers except one have Japanese last names. AND YES! THERE IS JAPANESE HERE! I am a proud member of Nakayoshi Kai (the club). (On Sunday I'm going to be in the Honolulu Festival Parade. It's a thing celebrating the Japanese culture. ^_^) I'm taking Japanese I next year. Unfortunately, that's the only good thing about Leilehua High. *mutters about being a damn mule*

But yeah. We have a house and stuff...but part of it is still in boxes. My room's a mess. Spring Break starts tomorrow, so I get the fun of cleaning it. Dad has a piece of carpet he wants to put down and is bitching at me to get it done.

Oh yeah! I had my physical yesterday. I haven't gained a single pound since my last physical in January and I haven't been dieting! YAY! But I'm still 70 pounds over my ideal weight. Spring Break is going to be spent walking. Not sitting on the computer all day. @_@ J-chan must...lose...weight...cannot...be...fatass...no more...

Sunday I saw Daredevil with my new friend Jennifer (aka Michi-chan). It was pretty good. Really different from most Marvel based movies. *nod nod* And Friday I got to talk to my Lori-chan! *glomps Lorien* ^_^ Keep at your assignment, girl!

Mergh...I miss Pensacola and Escambia High....;_; ...and all my friends. *glomps and smooches them all* I WUV YOU GUYS! ;_;

This is long enough. Bye byeeeeee!

2003-03-11T18:17:00.000-10:00

Here it is folks, the new layout! All I gotta do is customize the comment system and mood thingy...plus change the time...and that's it! I know it's blue, but I love blue, what can I say? ^_^

*glomps Jimmy* Welcome to my list of bloggies, honey. ^_^ Everyone say hi to Jimmy. *waves at him*

Um, I'm gonna go...work more. And glare at the A thingie that won't go away.

2003-03-07T23:25:00.000-10:00

This is a quiz post (stolen from bloggies). And damn this thing needs a new layout.

2003-03-07T23:10:00.000-10:00

I have internet again!

2003-02-14T20:08:00.000-10:00

Well, I'm off to Hawaii! *waves*

2003-02-11T17:17:00.000-10:00

I don't know if I'll be online ever again. Especially after I fly to Hawaii. *sigh* My life has made a drop into Hell.

My parents have given up on me and my brothers. Let me explain.

Jake went upstairs to tell Justin there wasn't any school. Justin was on the phone and on the playstation. He called Jake a bitch and told him to go away. Dad got pissed, and told Justin off. Then Justin got pissed, and they started fighting and stuff. Mom broke them up, and Justin left the home. Not before punching a hole in the wall by the front door. Dad grabbed his car keys and went out for a drive, after screaming at me and Jake about how we never respect him, and how we didn't deserve shit. Being the stupid person I am, I believed it and started bawling, hating myself for being such a crappy daughter. I still do. I blame myself for a lot of things.

Basically, they've given up on us. They don't care if they go to jail for beating us, or if the state takes us. My mother swore up and down that she won't hook up the internet.

I'm only posting this now because I'm sending pictures to my sis-in-law.

So, this may be my last post for a while. I apologize to everyone.

2003-02-10T02:32:00.000-10:00

Fran-chan, your blog has been working for me for the past week or so. I think it's gonna be okay! ^_^

2003-02-10T01:58:00.000-10:00

*sigh* ...there goes the NROTC scholarship, right down the drain. I can't do it. I can't. Jim didn't give me all the details. I didn't think I'd have to have a year of Calculus, Physics, some military class, and Computer Science...all by my junior year. There are other things in the scholarship that I don't think I can do, like all those Navy classes on top of my regular load, and I'd have to give them eight years in the Navy. Eight years is too long for me. So, I'll have to look for another scholarship. There's just no way I'd be eligible.

Oooooo, I am so pissed at my aunt. She ditched me, and late last night she finally pops in! Haven't heard a single word from her all weekend, haven't seen a hair on her head all weekend, and now she's here. I woke up a couple times before to find her talking with my mother, and I talked to my mother, but my aunt acted like I wasn't there. She didn't say hello, she didn't offer an explanation, didn't give an apology, nothing. I bet she only came because it's too cold at her place, and to make sure my cousins get a bath. It hurts to be rejected like that from your favorite relative, but I'm not going to whine or anything. If she won't do anything, then I'll let it be. I may give her the cold shoulder to give her a hint I'm upest with her, which may prompt her to talk to me, but that's about it.

It snowed last night. Everything's covered in white. Earlier yesterday I fed the birds, and saw a beautiful calico cat running around my granny's shed. I was hoping I could get her to come to me, but I couldn't get close. I left some meat for her. When I went out later (it had just started to snow, and I wanted to be in it) I noticed the meat was gone. Poor kitty was hungry!

... I'm praying I don't have any school. I simply don't want to go, even if tomorrow's my last day. I don't have the energy to mess with the dumbfucks of Caverna High. I'll kill someone, especially two little freshmen that like to be fucking retarded around me. I'm in no mood to be messed with. [Edit: YES! I'm staying hooooooooome I'm staying hoooooooooooome!!]

I can't wait until Saturday. I am so ready for Hawaii. I'm totally prepared to be brushed off by my father on Valentine's Day, for some reason. I think the only thing I'll get to do this week is get my hair cut and highlighted on Wednsday. *sigh* Maybe.

2003-02-08T14:56:00.000-10:00

I think I'm going to be sick. My head's pounding, my stomach's churning, and I feel like shit.

Today had been a good day, inspite the fact that my aunt ditched me.

Why the fuck does this have to happen?

2003-02-06T02:53:00.000-10:00

This scholarship keeps getting better.

Joice,
The only quota you would have to worry about is the
national one since they put all the applications in
one big pot to make their selections. This year, we
got right around 5,000 applications and they'll offer
approximately 2,200-2,500 scholarships. So, as you
can see, the odds are pretty good! You won't find any
other deal that will offer 50% of its applicants the
scholarship.
For me, I only have to get about 50 applications
from my area which covers all of KY and southern IN.
So far, I have 15 kids who have been selected and only
3 non-selects. That means we're still waiting to hear
about the other 32. Like I said, the odds are pretty
good. Also, your dad being active duty will add
points in your favor. Since I'll be doing your
application, one of the guys here in my office will do
the interview with you, so you can rest assured that
you will receive HIGH marks on that as well!!
Any more questions, just let me know.

Jim

2003-02-05T12:47:00.000-10:00

So, can anyone tell me average scores for the ACT and SAT?

2003-02-05T12:37:00.000-10:00

This is about a ROTC scholarship I'm going to apply to. My dad has a friend who's a Navy recruiter.

Joice,
Actually, there is only ONE requirement to be
eligible to apply for the scholarship - test scores.
You have to have at least a 22 in both math and
english on the ACT or a 520 in math and 530 in english
on the SAT. Other than that, obviously higher GPA,
etc, etc will make you a stronger candidate for
selection.
I'll either bring an application down or send it
with Donna when she comes, but it'll get there one way
or the other before you leave.
We'll have to coordinate to get recommendations from
your teachers in Pensacola, etc, but that won't be a
problem.
If you have any more questions, you can call me here
at the office at (800) 992-6289. If I'm not here,
just leave a message and I'll call you back when I
return.
I'm glad you're interested! The big thing about it
is that there's NO obligation - it's just another
application for a scholarship, you can turn it down if
you don't want it. Also, you can accept the
scholarship, go to school for a year, and then change
your mind and BAIL and owe nothing! Really can't beat
it!
Again, let me know if you have any more questions
and I'm looking forward to seeing all of you again
before you leave!
Love to everyone!!

Jim

2003-02-04T15:51:00.000-10:00

http://www.kingsofchaos.com/page.php?id=247715

2003-02-02T18:19:00.000-10:00

Hiya Red!

*huggles all her friends* I LOVE YOU!

2003-02-01T14:26:00.000-10:00

You know, it hurts. It hurts so motherfucking bad. I've never felt so shitty in my pathetic excuse for a life.

It feels like a cold steel hand is squeezing my heart as hard as it can, breaking, shattering, crushing. I'm lost, confused, depressed, lonely, desperate...oh god it hurts. I can't explain the anguish that has washed over me. I can't.

It hurts.

2003-02-01T14:13:00.000-10:00

...I want this song.

TATU LYRICS

"All The Things She Said"

All the things she said
All the things she said
Running through my head
All the things she said
All the things she said
Running through my head
This is not enough

I'm in serious shit, I feel totally lost
If I'm asking for help it's only because
Being with you has opened my eyes
Could I ever believe such a perfect surprise?

I keep asking myself, wondering how
I keep closing my eyes but I can't block you out
Wanna fly to a place where it's just you and me
Nobody else so we can be free

All the things she said
All the things she said
Running through my head
All the things she said
All the things she said
Running through my head
This is not enough
This is not enough

All the things she said
All the things she said

And I'm all mixed up, feeling cornered and rushed
They say it's my fault but I want her so much
Wanna fly her away where the sun and rain
Come in over my face, wash away all the shame
When they stop and stare - don't worry me
'Cause I'm feeling for her what she's feeling for me
I can try to pretend, I can try to forget
But it's driving me mad, going out of my head

Mother looking at me
Tell me what do you see?
Yes, I've lost my mind

Daddy looking at me
Will I ever be free?
Have I crossed the line?

2003-02-01T10:57:00.000-10:00

Rien, I love you. Remember that.

I'm grounded. I'm not supposed to be online right now because I gave my mother an "attitude" when I did nothing but do what she told me to do. @_@

Does anyone want to see Daredevil??? I'm begging my dad to take me to see it on Valentine's Day. I also told him to drive to Horse Cave and buy me a Cadbury bar for V-day too. XD That's all I want for V-Day.

I've done nothing, really. I've been playing progressive rummy a lot with my dad, and seriously thinking about majoring in Web Design. That would definitely help me out, neh? x.x

*huggles everyone* I love you guys. I miss you all. I think about you all the time.

*gives Taku a big huggle*

2003-01-30T12:55:00.000-10:00

Fenris: I just like to tell you something. It's harsh and it'll make you cry but I'll make it quick.
Usilion: Alright...
Fenris: OWA is a superior song to have blaring from car stereos.
Fenris: Not the ONLY song of choice, but one of the top ones.
Usilion: XD
Usilion: I'd like to blare that along with the Hellsing Original Soundtrack outta my parent's stereo system in the truck.
Fenris: Okay, Seattle. Horrid traffic, right? What I like to do in the summer when people are prone to have their windows rolled down, when stuck in freeway traffic is to start playing orchestrated OWA with the windows rolled down. XD
Usilion: XD
Usilion: XD XD
Usilion: That's great.
Fenris: But my windows are only open a crack, mind, enough for the music to escape. I did that once and this guy was giving a "WTF" look, trying to figure out the source of the music.
Usilion: Ahh. So what did you do?
Fenris: Drive calmly, eye him in the rearview window and laugh.
Usilion: XD XD
Usilion: No evil laugh?
Usilion: Just a laugh?
Fenris: Just a laugh.
Usilion: It must've been hilarious.
Usilion: So was this supposed to make me cry?
Fenris: Actually, no, but I was trying to lead up to drama.
Usilion: XD

2003-01-28T16:05:00.000-10:00

*kicks her comments* WORK!

2003-01-27T13:28:00.000-10:00

Wheeeeee. I have school tomorrow, people! There's a two hour delay, but I'm still going. I haven't been in school since last Tuesday because of illness and winter weather. Isn't that something?

I got my report card from Ghetto High. All A's and one B.

Uhhh...that's all.

2003-01-25T16:51:00.000-10:00

The archives should work now, along with the new comment layout.

2003-01-25T16:03:00.000-10:00

Have a great party, AJ-samaaaaaaa!

2003-01-24T22:59:00.000-10:00

You know what I wanna do?

Once I'm in Hawaii, and I have my license, and I have the balls to drive my mom's huge truck...

...I wanna drive through downtown Honolulu BLARING my Hellsing CD from it's loverly sound system. Some of those tracks are so bitchin'! XD I wanna have the windows rolled down, bass up, and singing (if there's singing in one of the more groovy tracks) at the top of my lungs while making hand gestures out of the window. I want people to look at me like I'm crazy. I want to have the time of my life. No one'll try to run me over, I'll be in that huge ass truck.

Damn I'm crazy. XD

2003-01-24T16:31:00.000-10:00

This Valentine's Day,
I give you my heart.
No matter, you held it
right from the start.
We may have our quarrels,
our stumbles and falls,
but I'll stand beside you,
right through it all.
I love you more
than any words can say
and though you always succeed
in lighting my day,
I can't help but hurt for you
when you're so far away.
I wish there was something
more I could do
in order to get through
better to you,
to convince you fully,
soul, body, and mind,
of just how much I feel--
sometimes you seem blind.
I try to be loving,
I try to be good--
but always my mouth ends up
wrapped 'round my foot.
I never had practice
being kind or genteel,
but I try to be nice
so you'll know how I feel.
I hope I succeeded
at least a bit
so I don't leave you crying
or throwing a fit.
I suppose I'll wrap up
with a quick "I love you,"
and hope that you love me
just as much, too.

2003-01-24T15:36:00.000-10:00

Nobody cares.

2003-01-24T08:53:00.000-10:00

Oh, AJ-sama and Nextgen have new blogs. They're great. Kala's new layout is cute but extremely pink, and it influenced me to do this. Fran-chan, your blog (still) won't load on my granny's comp.

There.

2003-01-24T08:51:00.000-10:00

I swear I'm close to tears now. I get my hopes up, thinking I would get to go spend some time with my favorite aunt and make Shepherd's Pie for her and her boyfriend, but of COURSE something happens and I can't go. I haven't been out of the house for a really long time. No one's making trips. I refuse to go anywhere with my mom. So my aunt says she'll take me to Bowling Green this weekend. It would be me, her, and her boyfriend. I was so excited, I'd get a trip and time spent with my aunt mixed together. But her fucking ex-husband won't pick up the kids, he won't answer his phone and her kids won't call his girlfriend (because she's still in bed at fucking 1:00) even though they hate going to their mother's boyfriend's house. So, there won't be enough room at his house. Meaning I can't go because she has to take the kids, even after promising me she'd take me.

I've tried asking my dad to take me to the movies, but he refuses. I seriously haven't asked to go anywhere except for my aunt. If I have to stay in this goddamn house with my brothers anymore I'm gonna lose whatever sanity I have left! My mother has hidden the PS2, the tv is dominated by my brothers and cousins, I finished my books, I'm having a drawing block, WHAT THE HELL CAN I DO? Clean house? Cook? Listen to my mother and grandmother bitch at me more? I guess I could go outside, but it's colder than a witch's tit out there. I'm not allowed to walk to Houchens, it's too cold, I don't have my license so I can't drive anywhere (my parents wouldn't let me anyways, the roads are bad because of the snow and whatnot). What the hell can I do?

I'm so fucking ready to blow my top. I want to get out of here. I want to go to Hawaii RIGHT FUCKING NOW. But of course, my wants and needs are unimportant and selfish. So I'm going to shut up.

Goddamn do I hate my aunt's ex.

2003-01-23T18:14:00.000-10:00

*gives AJ-sama a big hug* ;____;

2003-01-23T13:48:00.000-10:00

*singsong* I hate blogger with a passion! I really really really really doooooooo!

2003-01-23T09:42:00.000-10:00

Testing...?

I know I know...I just got a new layout. However, all the blue sickened me. ~_~ So yeah, I have something that's actually related to a holiday! o.O There's even...pink...in it. Very little, though. *shrug* I'm bored. No school or anything. ;_;

The archives don't work yet. I still have to mess with that and the comment box. The link that says "chatterbox?" is like for random one liner things that don't go with any of my posts...I guess. I updated my links. I cut out some links. I decided to keep the links that I'm related to somehow, so that the box isn't really long. Uh...yeah.

2003-01-22T19:45:00.000-10:00

Goddamnit I wanna hurt myself for some reason.

2003-01-22T10:38:00.000-10:00

Well.

Nothing interesting has happened in the past week or so. I'm serious. I don't have school for the rest of the week due to illness, so I've just been hanging around. I've helped clean the house and do some cooking, but that's about it. I went to school yesterday, but that was a drag. So I'm just surfing the net, doing my own thing. Actually, I'm working on a new layout for chaotic dreaming. So I'll let you guys know when I'm finished with that, alright?

Since I lack things to tell you about, I'll end it here.

2003-01-20T16:57:00.000-10:00

*waves* I'm alive...sorta...

2003-01-17T22:39:00.000-10:00

I HATE THOSE FUCKING CHOCOBO GAMES!!!!!!!

*blows up every single fucking bird in FFX*

2003-01-17T13:39:00.000-10:00

This post will self destruct in three seconds.

Three.

Two.

One.

BBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2003-01-16T14:02:00.000-10:00

My Weiß Kreuz DVD came in the mail today! XD

2003-01-15T19:38:00.000-10:00

I didn't think I'd be spending more than twelve hours at my brother's place. I'll add more to this post tomorrow.

School wasn't closed yesterday, but for some reason my mother was generous enough to offer me the chance to go to Bowling Green. Naturally, I took up on her offer. So I spent most of the day helping mom watch Leelee (Leah's stupid but cute nickname that she'll be stuck with the rest of her life XP) until Candace got home. Mom picked up Dad from Nashville, and I went out and took care of errands with my sis-in-law. They got an external DSL modem, so Dad helped install that before we went home. They have a brand new computer, it's great. Candace said I could come over this weekend and watch the Witch Hunter Robin episodes Kala burned for me. I'm happy. I've gone through anime withdrawal, I'm about to die. I also borrowed a book of hers, titled "Elizabeth". It's some kind of autobiography of the queen, written by an English historian. It's good so far.

School IS closed today though. XD There's a snowstorm that's supposed to come in, plus the attendance has been rather low, so that makes me happy. It didn't matter if school had been closed or not, I was still staying home. Mom said I could stay home today if I went Friday. Maybe I'll get lucky and Caverna'll be closed tomorrow as well. :p

...I think that's it.

2003-01-14T10:49:00.000-10:00

I'm posting at school! XP

2003-01-14T03:16:00.000-10:00

*DIES!!!!!!!!!*

Hello,

I came across your fanart "Baka" while perusing MediaMiner. I love the way you have depicted chibi-Sora and his dreaming about his Maiden. ^^ I run Stormy Skies: An Arashi and Sorata Fanfic Archive. I would be honored to add your fanart to the fanart section of my page and would be delighted if you would give me permission to do so. If you would like to see the page beforehand, you can view it at http://chaoticdream.nu/sorashi
Email me back with your response and thanks your time.

Nayami
Sora no Miko

*revives* I think I'm gonna cry... *dies again*

2003-01-12T10:16:00.000-10:00

Hi everyone. Long time no post, neh? I haven't been motivated enough to do much lately. As of right now, I'm trying to get my damnable Anatomy homework done. This teacher of mine gathered some prefixes and suffixes from a list of AP scientific prefixes/suffixes for a REGULAR class and said "Find words with these prefixes/suffixes in them." My mom (who's practically a LPN) said that some of them are really uncommon, why would a regular Anatomy and Physiology class need to know them? So I sent the ones I haven't found words to my Daddy (he's still in Pensacola) and let him figure it out. XD Ahh, the Kentucky education system for you. :||||| I've also got some Geometry homework to do, but that'll take me no time. It's over the AREA of shapes and stuff like that. On Friday my teacher told me that he "hoped it (the class) wasn't TOO boring for me." I pay attention in that class, but inside I wish I could just go to sleep. However, unlike some kids, I go to school to "learn" (what a novel idea! :|||) and keep my skills up until we transfer to Hawaii. (Some guy asked me if I was gonna date anyone while I was at Caverna and I told him I go to school to get an education, not to date.) Besides, Mr. Scott's alright. He taught my brother, mother, and uncle. I've never had a teacher who remembers seeing me when I was a LITTLE kid and who's taught my family members. x.x It's really freaky sometimes. I'm a Navy brat, I'm used to fresh schools every three years or so. ^.^()

My physical last Wednsday(sp??) kinda sucked. My mom and I went alllllllll the way to Fort Knox, which I found out is more like one-hundred miles from Cave City, not fifty. >.< EVERYTHING was closed off, save for the main gate. After my mom showed the guard person whatever our military id cards we had to have our car completely inspected. I wasn't exactly...happy with that. I mean, I KNOW that they're checking for bombs and making sure everything's safe, but I felt like my personal rights were tossed away. I realize that at the moment, I HAD no rights, but still, it pissed me off. We're American citizens, we have military IDs, we're not foreign in any way whatsoever...wtf?? So I said something that I now know that I shouldn't have said, serious or not: "Hey, do you want us to strip too?" ......it's a wonder we weren't kicked off then. (My mother bitched me out the rest of the day for it.) They made us open the glove compartment, the hood, gas tank, trunk, and step out of the car while they searched through it. They asked for insurance, and if there were any weapons in the car. My mom didn't know they were going to inspect us. I saw a pocket knife in the glove compartment while giving her her insurance stuff, and told her so she could tell them. It's a wonder they didn't keep it. They could've told us to leave right then and there, but we somehow passed the inspection and made it through. We went to the commisary, got two-hundred bucks worth of grocceries, then made it over to the hospital. A Middle-Eastern man looked me over after my height/weight/blood pressure was recorded. I could barely understand him, and his head was shaped...differently, but it went alright. Same as always: overweight, but otherwise healthy. I've grown half an inch, but so has my waist, but other than that: no problems. Okay, I'm lying. I STILL haven't had my period lately (it'll be a YEAR in February) and so the doctor was trying to get tests and whatnot scheduled. I was supposed to have blood work (test my hormone level) and an ultrasound (to see if there are cysts on my ovaries) done in July, but the clinic never called us back. They never got anything scheduled. My mom said that she plans on having the tests scheduled once we're in Hawaii. There's no time to do it now, plus Fort Knox is a long way to go for all those appointments. I already know that if I lose some weight my period'll come back (hopefully) but it's too friggen cold for me to walk and stuff here. I've been watching what I eat, hopefully I'll lose a couple of pounds just by cutting back. I've got a month left before we move, then I can walk, bike, swim, etc. Mom said that she wants to get a treadmill, so I can help pay for that when I start working.

Anyways...after the physical we grabbed some food and hit a couple of nearby stores. I bought The Fellowship of the Ring, Two Towers and The Return of the King for myself at Barnes and Noble. I've been meaning to read these. Right now, I'm on Chapter Three of TFoTR, and I like it so far. I haven't been reading it religiously, haven't really had any time. It seems that everytime I get comfy my mom hollars at me to do something for her. I hate that. >.< Anyways. Mom went to Goodwill, then after that we hit Old Navy. I bought my niece Leah a pair of red socks with white hearts of them, they were too cute to pass by. Mom bought some clothes for my brothers, and a new pair of pj's for me. I think some of you've seen them, they're red with skinny reindeer on them. After that, we went home.

I went to my cousin's stepdaughter's birthday party last night. We didn't stay long (thank Michael). Lots of goomers. ^.^() Earlier yesterday I helped my mom bake and decorate the cakes for the aforementioned party. That was a pain in the ass. Just trust me on that. I also made dinner (Chicken stir-fry! Damn was it good.) and saw the ending of FFX. I was disappointed how easily you can win when you have the Masamune and Godhand. It was too easy. Also, the ending didn't satisfy me. It was over, but things weren't as they could've been. Too many things were left loose, in my opinion.

Other than that, I've been dragging myself through school, laying around, and sleeping when I can. Uh...yeah.

My goal: to lose all my extra weight by the end of December! I can do it! You guys root for me. ^_^ I'll need some support.

2003-01-08T03:13:00.000-10:00

Anything italised is me speaking. Lookie lookie. Usi's got something of an enemy. And I'm being such a bitch to him, but I'm nice about it. XD

Penguin wrote on 01-07-2003 10:21 PM:
Originally posted by usilionpope:
There's really no point in arguing with Penguin. I've realized that he's stuck on his opinions. There's no point in trying to debate something with him because he thinks his opinion is THE opinion. It's hard to get through to someone that stubborn and thick skulled.

Yeah, yeah, you hate me. Any reason why you decided to throw this out there, or were you just throwing a tantrum that would be best taken off-board?

Throwing a tantrum? I remember typing that rather calmly. If there's anyone throwing tantrums about anything, it's you. Your threads about FFX and FFVII prove that. It's something I've noticed, that's all. I've observed it through your posts, it rang out quite clearly. I didn't have to tear your posts apart and analyze just exactly how you feel about everything. I stated it as a fact, because I got tired of all your whining. I'm sure there are others there (actually, I know a couple of board members who feel exactly the same as I do) who feel the same. They just didn't choose to do anything about it. Take it how you will, I don't care. I'm not going to start a fight, so if you're looking for one, tough titty.

Reply if you wish, be warned that I won't reply. You're not worth my time.

Have a good day. :)

2003-01-06T18:23:00.000-10:00

Well, my mom, granny, and great uncle convinced me not to move out after I graduate. My mother went into a tangent after school today, saying that I wouldn't be able to pay for college and support myself. There's no way, with all the materials that are needed for college, and the money needed to pay rent and utilities. My granny stressed getting my education while I'm young, that high school gets you to McDonald's and nothing more. My great uncle pushed what they said.

My mother said that she would pay for my college tuition, even if it meant getting loans. I would work to pay for car insurance and to save for when college was over. That's it. Mom said she'd take care of EVERYTHING. She wants me to get into Troy University on the base we're going to be living on. She's not going to pay for junior college. She said that she would support me as long as I did well in school. I can't turn that offer away. I can't. I could have $4,000 in the bank by the time I graduate. That's a huge chunk of cash to help me get a good start in the real world. I can't. I'd be stupid not to.

I never dreamed of being able to attend a four year university, because of the cost. I only considered junior college because it would be helluva lot cheaper. My mother wants me to go to a good school, and she wants to pay for it! I really can't believe it. I finally feel that something my mom is stressing so ardently is for my best. While I'm doing college, my parents can also teach me how to handle a checking account and all that. I won't venture out like a timid bird. I'll thrive! I know she wants more for me than what she had at my age. I'm gonna do it. I can't turn my back on this.

I can't turn my back on this.

2003-01-06T12:49:00.000-10:00

I got home from school about an hour ago.

First of all, the guidance counselor is FUCKING STUPID. It was a pain in the ass getting my schedule made (I'll tell you my classes in a minute). The dingy bat didn't know where "Hah-WHY-ah" (say it outloud, this is how Kentuckians pronounce "Hawaii") is, even asking if it's a part of the US. >< She didn't know how much lunch cost, gave me the wrong amount when she did find out (it was only a ten cent difference, but still), and gave me the wrong bus number. I was told that my bus was number 6, but when I got my student pass, it had 8 written on it. I had to go down and find Mr. Fudge and figure out what was wrong. The dingbat had told me to get on the elementary bus! (I have to ride the handicapped bus, y'know, the "chibi" one? Not many kids live where my grandmother does.)

My schedule goes like this: Visual Arts, English III, Geometry, Study Skills (read as free period) and Anatomy and Physiology. I get to go out and buy junk food at 1:50, if I wish. I hate the block system, I always wind up just sitting in a classroom and doing nothing. It sucks ass. I have lunch from 11:13 to 11:33, so it's basically the same as Escambia. Caverna has a TINY cafeteria. I don't even know if they have a library.

But yeah, the classrooms were small, the kids weren't so bad (I even talked to a couple), and I even have a teacher who's taught my brother, mom, and uncle. It's creepy. Nothing great happened, I just went from class to class. Caverna is tiny. All my classes are upstairs in one long hall, save for Art. I don't have to worry about busting my ass trying to get to class.

Gah...I dun wanna type anymore. Gotta take out the trash, see you guys later.

2003-01-06T03:32:00.000-10:00

I'm off to school! XP

2003-01-05T13:51:00.000-10:00

Lookie!

2003-01-04T17:03:00.000-10:00

Whee. I now know how to work my mom's new digital camera. Kinda. I know how to take pictures and get them on the computer, but I'm still kinda unsure about everything else. ^^() I'm sure I'll get it figure out after I handle it more and read the User Guide more. But yeah, I sent my aunt and uncle a couple of pictures...meaning that I can email you guys pictures of KY! Hah. If my mom'll let me use her camera, that is. It can hold up to 127 (I think) pictures in it's interal memory, and I'd delete them after I putting them on the harddrive, so maybe I can convince her. It's really nifty. I wonder how much my brother paid for it.

Next week I'm supposed to get my hair highlighted and layered, so I'll post a picture when I get that done. I'm either gonna get caramel or blonde highlights. Mom's been begging me to do something with my hair, so I agreed to get it layered.

Gah, it's so cold! I'm all bundled up but I'm still cold! I hate Kentucky during the winter the most! The house is old and drafty and the heat doesn't do anything. Granny said that Kentucky's coldest months are January and Feburary. -_-() So yeah, I feel like a human icicle right about now. I can't wait until we fly out on Feb. 15th. It'll be so deliciously warm! *dies at that thought* I'll make sure to take lots of pictures of Hawaii with the digital camera so all you guys can look and be jealous. No snow or cold for me for the next three years! (Or whenever I decide to leave. ~_~)

I got to take my first shower in granny's new shower today. Praise be to Michael! No more taking baths in that damnable tub ever again! Granny's been living in Cave City for at LEAST thirty years, and my great uncle and uncle got her shower built THIS week. It looks kinda odd, all the shower stuff is white, but the tub is green. A dark olive green. (She had the toilet to match it but a couple of years ago it exploded or something and she had to get a new one. So, white shower and toilet, green tub. I'll take a picture of it.) But it was wonderful. I've never felt more refreshed. I even got to shave some. ^^() The only thing that needs to be done to it is have all the wood painted. Hopefully I'll get to do that. I am SO bored here. I'm kinda wishing school would start, it'll give me something to do. FFX is starting to get old, and I fucking HATE the chocobo games. HATE HATE HATE. I LOATHE the racing one and the one where you have to dodge balls AND birds. >< So it looks like Tidus won't be getting his Celestial Weapon. Oh well. Auron and Rikku are cooler than him anyways. :p

I've been trying to draw lately, but I think I'm in a slump. Nothing's been coming out the way I want it to. >< Some of the stuff I wanted to draw was really really sweet...but I fubared it. ;_;

Nextgen got a new blogskin! Tis very very pretty. But I've told her that already. XD But yeah, I'm gonna say it again, so nyah.

*sigh* ...I'm so lonely. I really wish I had someone to actually talk to. AIM's great, but I miss hearing my friends' voices, hanging out with them, laughing, being perverted, staying the night and playing video games...

I know no one here in Cave City will like what I like. I doubt they know what anime is. I've been through that before, when I went here for the first half of eighth grade. I was the weird one because of anime and j-rock. So I'm just gonna keep to myself for the next five weeks. I'm sure Caverna'll have a library, I'll just check out books and read. I'm getting tired of reading all the smut novels my granny has. She has shelves of them. Most are a Native American male getting a white female, set back in the Civil War period or earlier. So, it gets old fast. Very fast. I didn't bring any of my books, there wasn't any room. Maybe my mom'll buy me books that I like. There isn't a public library, so I can't go there. Glasgow is twelve miles away. If they had one, I wouldn't be able to take books back, I can't drive.

This sucks. Sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks. *sigh*

Depression looms over me. Later.

2003-01-04T09:38:00.000-10:00

Someone reassure me that my mother is just as stupid as she sounds.

She called yesterday to get CALL WAITING installed. This morning, she threw a fit about me and my brother being online, and said we can only have it for a half an hour every time we get on. Or only half an hour a day, I don't remember. If she's getting call waiting, what does it matter?

So yeah, most of my blog entries will be written in a text file before I get online. This entry was written in a text file. This way I can save time.

Isn't she stupid???

Oh yeah. I had a dream where Ms. Richmond had a candy store in the back of her classroom. @_@ I never thought I'd have a dream with her in it, gah.

Um, yeah. Later.

2003-01-03T14:21:00.000-10:00

I'm bored, so I took this off of Kala's blog.

Things/people I couldn't have gotten through the year without:

1) All my friends, period. (Meaning online or not)
2) The net, naturally.
3) This stupid thing. It's really helped me. Sorta.
4) The spiffy anime Kala got me into. Yeah, you know what I mean. @_@
5) My grades.

Five things 2002 taught me:

1) My parents will never understand me, or even try to.
2) People do suck.
3) That I'm worth something.
4) Life is only going to get harder as the years past.
5) I like shepherd's pie. A lot.

Five personally significant events of 2002:

1) I turned 16.
2) My niece was born.
3) Got the orders to Hawaii.
4) My mom finished the nursing program.
5) I was able to become closer to my friends.

Five things I wanna do in 2003:

1) LOSE WEIGHT.
2) Get a job and save some cash.
3) Get my permit.
4) Hopefully see some friends during the summer
5) Learn how to scuba dive.

Five things I don't wanna do in 2003:

1) Gain weight.
2) Fail.
3) Lose a job.
4) Spend all the money I earn.

2003-01-03T13:34:00.000-10:00

Hopefully, now that I've tweaked it, my blog'll be what I want it to be. Save for the scrollbar and the comments. I'll deal with that later.

I was supposed to be pre-registered at Caverna today, but there wasn't any paperwork, so I'm gonna have to wait until Monday. Monday I get my physical as well. Which sucks, because we have to go to Fort Knox to get it done. Mom can't find a local doctor, sooo we have to go to base. Fort Knox is the closest, 58 miles to get there, 58 to come back. I'll take my CD player and a book to keep myself occupied. *shrug*

But I know that I'll have four classes and a study hall (yay for block system. :|||). Also, I don't catch the bus til 8, meaning extra sleep. Every Weds is a half day. I'll probably get home around 3:30 (school ends at 2:55). The next five weeks'll be a breeze, I'm sure.

Once more, FFX has taken control of my life. I now have all the aeons. I dunno what I'm gonna do now. *shrug* I guess I'll keep catching monsters, attempt to win a game of blitzball, and get Celestial Weapons until I get bored with it. Then I'll beat the game. I need to beat Ico. @_@ I've also decided that I'm gonna buy Kingdom Hearts when I get the 10 bucks that I need.

Um...that's it for now.

2003-01-03T08:16:00.000-10:00

It's really really cold. @_@ I can't feel my toes.

2003-01-03T07:59:00.000-10:00

This is severely pissing me off. Anyone know a better place to host this thing? I wanna move.

2003-01-03T07:46:00.000-10:00

Well, here it is. Bah, it's depressing, isn't it? ...I feel just the way this blog layout does.

Edit: ...I'll have to change my comment layout too. I'll do that later. I JUST WANT THIS THING TO WORK! *kicks blogger*

2003-01-03T06:10:00.000-10:00

Yes, Alu-chan's gone. Get over it. I love him to death, but I want something blue. So I'm gonna work on another blog layout that doesn't require images to be loaded. When I get it uploaded, you will bask in it's blue glory, and love it.

I'm thinking about changing the title and url to my blog. But I dunno. I'll think about it, and let you guys know soon, okay? Then you can change your links and stuff. I feel that "voicelessscreaming" and "endless journey for a wandering soul" don't fit anymore. Plus, that's a really friggen long blog title. @_@

I've been doing my archives by the month, but that box keeps getting bigger and bigger. So once April comes around I'm gonna have to make a separate archives page for the previous year. I'll worry about that when April gets here, though. @_@

Blah, I'm gonna go work on the layout.

Note: Taku, get Anima. You get to see something about Seymour that's sad when you get her. Just trust me. Get Anima.

2003-01-02T19:54:00.000-10:00

......I wanna move my blog. But I don't think pitas.com is any better than blogger, for some reason.

2003-01-01T18:52:00.000-10:00

Stolen from Taku, who stole it from B-chan.

Which Stereotypical CLAMP emotion are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-01-01T15:35:00.000-10:00

I get to go to school next Monday. *sigh* I'm not really looking forward to it. I just wanna...hide in my granny's house until we fly out. I know I'm going to hate it. I've always hated the schools in KY.

Speaking of granny...she's getting a shower built into her bathroom today. I don't know if it'll be finished tonight, but my uncle and great uncle have been working on it all day. It'll be great not having to bend in the tub and wash my hair before actually bathing. >< She also got an optical mouse for her rather crappy comp. I love it. It was only 15 bucks, which is great.

I've been doing nothing but play FFX. I've done so much to my game that it's not even funny. Seriously. I've never had such a good Final Fantasy game. I just got the Mars Sigil, so I'll be able to power up the Masamune to its maximum power. XD I can't wait to see what kind of damage it does. I love Rikku's Godhand. Her Strength stat is 100, and her weapon (naturally) has the Break Damage Limit. She does over 9,999 points of damage (physically) without me wasting any Dark Matter. The Onion Knight's the same way, except it does that with magic. It's so cool to see Ultima do a shitload of damage. XD I want to get Tidus' Celestial Weapon, but I can't get better than a 0:0:0 on the Chocobo Race, so I can't get the Sun Sigil. I've been looking for the Sun Crest, but I can't find it. Mebbe I have to get his weapon before I can get the Crest. Gah. >< I'm not good with the Hyper Dodger Chocobo game, and you have to beat all the Chocobo games before you can get to the weapon. Damnit. I got Nirvana (Yuna's weapon) by accident while attempting to get the Mars Sigil. I've already got the Moon Crest, but to get the Moon Sigil I have to have all the aeons and beat the summoner chick in Remien Temple. I got Yojimbo by mistake when I was looking for the Monster Arena. I can get the Magus Sisters because I have the Flower Sceptor and Blossom Crown, but I dunno what to do. ^^() What I've been doing the most is capturing monsters, because the man gives you a ton of items...like, 60 Three Stars, which reduce your party's MP cost to 0. XD Um, yeah.

That's about it.

2002-12-31T18:01:00.000-10:00

Happy New Year!

2002-12-28T18:35:00.000-10:00

I LOVE YOU ANG-SAN!!! XD

2002-12-28T17:35:00.000-10:00

WARNING: THIS POST WILL CONTAIN NOTHING BUT CRAP.

My mom's friend Donna came down from Louisville today. She was the one who gave me the toe ring. It's weird. I'm scared it'll fall off or something. Anywho. Apparently, a couple of years ago, her hubby of more than 20 years convinced her to quit her job. He wanted to move her and their two sons closer to the school they attended, and have her be a full time student. He swore up and down that he'd get a second job and take care of everything. So, she quit her job, got her application filled out, and packed the house.

Four days after they moved in, he left. He didn't even unpack his things. He just left his wife and two kids, her without an income, no car, nothing. They have had trouble with their marriage (he was unhappy); so, instead of working it out somehow, he suckerpunches her and leaves. He didn't even try to work it out.

Now, I thought, that once I was older the male gender of that age wouldn't be nearly as bad as they are today. This really troubles me. If you LOVE someone enough to marry them, then why would you hurt them in such a way? If there's something wrong, isn't the first (and right) thing you wanna do is talk and try to work it out? If you loved someone that deeply, then the last thing you'd want to do is stab a knife through their back, right...?

I know I'm being naive. I know that couples (hell, my parents are known for their fights ~_~) will have rough times. But the thing that I'm stressing is "hey, we're married, it's for life. We can work this out. Let's talk. Let's think of solutions. I love you too much to let you go. What's wrong? What can I do to stop making you do/feel this? etc etc" That's what I think marriage ought to be. That you go through the good and bad times hand and hand. That what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. That you can do anything as long as you have your spouse's support and love. That it's for life.

I really don't understand why he'd do that. I really don't. Men confoozle me. ~_~

Urgh, I hate being a dreamer. I hate being a Cancer. I wish I were more realistic sometimes.

Guess what?! I may be going back to school on the 2nd! Which is next Thursday. I'm sure my day will be filled with stupid asses and 100% pure goomer. I'll let you guys know all about my day, if that's the case. ^_^ Then you too can experience the glory of KY: God's golden crapper.

...I really wish I could dodge those 200 lightning bolts in FFX. >.< I want that item badly now. I'm considering buying a FFX strategy guide, but is the waste of 15 bucks worth it when you've got the net? Hrm. *will think about that*

...gah, I'm bored. Um, Kala, do you realize that people won't get what's going on in those AIM conversations? o.O;; Lots of inside stuff, if you know what I mean....

Where the hell are you, B-chan? Are you grounded? ;_; I hope not.

......okay, that's all for now. ~_~

2002-12-28T11:19:00.000-10:00

I've got a toe ring.

Um, yeah.

2002-12-27T12:17:00.000-10:00

I cut out a letter to Santa from a 1st grader from the local paper here. It's in Japanese, and it's too cute. XD

2002-12-27T06:32:00.000-10:00

I guess I'll tell you guys what I got for Christmas, because I wanna post something and I don't have anything else to talk about.

1) Hellsing soundtrack (probably the best thing I got)
2) box of Giant Pocky (*munch munch*)
3) a watch (yay)
4) a Gap outfit (that's very comfy...I'm thinking I'll wear it on the flight.)
5) a stretchy fleece jacket with hood (it's very warm)
6) a hat (that I look so dorky in)
7) two pairs of two socks (now my toes won't get cold)
8) three pairs of underwear (...><)
9) a mini umbrella (w.t.f.)
11) Alucard wallscroll! (XD nearly forgot about that. It was packed, though.)
12) Stocking of candy (junk food!)
13) 45 dollars (I'll save up ten bucks and buy a game)
14) Hopefully a Weiß Kreuz DVD (it was on backorder when I ordered it...better tell mom about it.)

Um.....yeah.

2002-12-26T15:20:00.000-10:00

........I hate my parents. I just do.

2002-12-26T09:45:00.000-10:00

I swear, whoever wrote the katakana for Logos Naki World did a horrible job.

I got the Hellsing soundtrack Raid for XMas. Inside, they have the lyrics for Shine and Logos Naki World. Shine is in English, and was printed in English. Next to it was a Japanese translation, I assume. However, the lyrics for Logos Naki World were in katakana. I don't get it. The song's in English, why not do the same thing as they did for Shine?

As you all probably know, katakana puts English (and other foreign words) into syllables that the Japanese can pronounce. For example: the word "logos" would be written as "rogosu" in katakana. Meaning that the pronounciation and "spelling" (if you put the katakana into romanji) is torn all to hell and back. After spending quite some time putting the katakana into romanji (I'm not as familiar with katakana as I am hiragana) and checking what I did at least three or four times...it makes no sense whatsoever. I'm staring at the piece of paper that I've written all these syllables out, and listening to the song at the same time...and it doesn't match up. What's being sung is nothing like the lyrics and vice versa.

So I did all that work for nothing. Logos Naki World will forever be a mystery lyrics-wise. ~_~

Why I ranted about that, I'll never know.

2002-12-25T11:50:00.000-10:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS GUYS!

2002-12-24T13:44:00.000-10:00

What the hell is up with my blog?!

{Edit: That damn ad up at the top fucked it up! GRR!}

[Edit 2: It's okay now. Damn thing.]

2002-12-24T13:27:00.000-10:00

I'm so lucky to be alive. @_@ I had a near death experience last night, I'm not kidding.

I went to my aunt's last night. She has a gas heater, and commented that her gas should've been delievered by then. So, we went inside. It's cold, and you can smell the gas. Her biggest gas heater is in the living room, the first room you walk into. After we got settled down she lit the heater in the kitchen. Then, we went to light the big one. It was supposed to be lit earlier, but the light went out. Sissy did something to it, and said she wanted me to hold something down. So I peered down and watched as she fiddled with it. She reached over and pushed down a button on the pipe leading to the heater. I could hear the gas flowing...but then there's this "WHOOM" and flame suddenly curls up. A flare up, basically. I screamed and jumped back, she did the same thing. We're so fucking lucky that that thing didn't blow up. We came out unharmed, and nothing was burned in the back of the heater.

We obviously left it alone after that.

I had felt unsure about lighting the big one when I smelled the gas, but when she lit the one in the kitchen, I thought it wouldn't have been so bad. My life flasheed before my eyes, and I was shaking. Sissy and I both had some schnapps(sp) after that. God that was so scary.

*glomps the angels who saved her ass*

Thank Michael I didn't die. ~_~ That would've sucked.

2002-12-23T20:02:00.000-10:00

Um, I just felt like writing something. So yeah.

LA LA LA LA my brother's watching me type this...~_~

2002-12-22T06:52:00.000-10:00

...am I really such a bad, evil person for not believing in God? Am I not a good person because of it? Am I?

Why does my family hate me for it? Why do people hate me for it? Why am I lectured, scolded, and putdown for my beliefs? Why, when I ask my father to tell my aunt not to force her beliefs on me, does he do the same as her? Why? Am I horrible for feeling that I'm being robbed of the rights the Consitution gives me?

If someone can't give me a good reason why, I'll start going to church on Sundays, I swear.

2002-12-21T16:20:00.000-10:00

*squeals!!* I just got to see my niece not five minutes ago, and she's the cutest, sweetest thing I've ever seen! She's got chubby little cheeks and tiny hands and her giggle is so darling!

2002-12-20T17:40:00.000-10:00

Well, I made it. Yeah. I left with my dad a little after noon, and we pulled into my grandmother's driveway at exactly 8:49. We would've arrived earlier if we hadn't hit Burmingham(sp?) during early rush hour. Also, there was a wreck about fifteen miles from Kentucky's border, and we stopped twice. It was a good drive. I'm sleepy, but not exhausted. Emotionally, I'm a mess. I cried the first hour or so of the trip, and misery chewed more of me away as each mile passed.

I hate country music. I only had one CD with me, so I would get tired of hearing the same song over and over, and listen to the radio. However, nothing but country music plays in this area. After a few hours of that with my tonedeaf father singing along, you learn to tune it out. It also sounds the same, and it's always about the same thing! Love! There isn't a country song that isn't somehow associated with love out there!

*sigh* ...I haven't been here for two hours and I hate it. I get to sleep on a couch for a month. My grandmother only has one phone line and a 56K modem, with a slow comp to top it. It's 30 some degrees outside. I have to deal with hicks and my family. I wanna go back to Florida!

*depression sinks in* ...I'm gonna end this before I pity myself. Later.

2002-12-16T19:29:00.001-10:00

Oh! I almost forgot! People, email me your snail-mail addresses so I can write you!

2002-12-16T19:29:00.000-10:00

I'm so fucking tired.

I spent most of the day cleaning, running back and forth, getting things for my mom's pinning ready, and packing. Tomorrow's packup. Everything will be in big cardboard boxes when I get home tomorrow, 'cept for the stuff we've set aside.

I haven't done any studying for my exams whatsoever. I'm going to have to cram when I can. I think I'll study for English and Latin tomorrow, since I won't have a comp. I'm not worried about Art or Chorus, it'll be easy. I'll study when I can for the others, but I simply don't give a fuck right at the moment.

I may post on Friday from a friend's house, but this'll be it. I won't blog as much as I normally do. Granny has a slow comp and limited net time, so I can't waste my life away in front of a glowing screen. What I may do is type what I do in a text file (without being online) and post once a week. I don't know. Don't expect too much out of me.

I have to remember to turn in all my textbooks and get my withdrawal sheet signed and turned in on Weds. Those are very very important.

Happy holidays guys, and remember, I love you.

2002-12-14T12:06:00.000-10:00

I wanna fucking murder B-chan's dad.

2002-12-14T10:13:00.000-10:00

Listening to: Yuuzai [Tokyo Babylon]

I feel indifferent, yet I'm listening to this song. It's been a while, neh? Lots of things have happened, in a sense. Things were due in school, review sheets for the exams were given out, getting into fights with my parents, preparing for the move, so on and so forth. Not too long ago I got home from my party. It was sad, really, in spite of the laughter. I felt empty the whole time, though I did goofy things. B-chan didn't come. Taku went to pick her up...but no one was there. I felt really bad about that. But I was content. I really was.

This is how I want it to end.

If I left tomorrow, I wouldn't have any regrets, because everyone smiled last night, at some point. Everyone had a good time, at some point. Everyone enjoyed each other, at some point. I hold that in my heart now, and I'm blissful. I've counted my blessings. I've never realized how great my friends are until now. I still feel that there's more that I can do, but Time has caught up with me, so I think the only thing I can say is "thank you" and "I love you". Every single one of you will be with me while I'm gone. I want to come back, and I will, someday. Maybe some of you will have moved on, but someone must be left. Someone must be there. ....I'm being naive, aren't I?

This maybe the last post I do before I go to Kentucky. I won't be able to post much while I'm there because of limited computer access. So I guess I have to make this count. I'll try to make this good. I'm really trying hard.

Nuriko is staring at me now (he's a purple teddy bear with wings that Micah-san gave me). He's the only gift I have out right at the moment. That reminds me, Eikoden was very very very good. If you're a Fushigi Yuugi fan, you need to invest in it. It's a great ending to the entire series, I think.

Thanks again for all the lovely lovely gifts. Thank you Micah-san, for the Nuriko bear, the roses, and the flashy bouncing balls. Thank you Kala-san, for the Hellsing and Witch Hunter Robin anime, and for letting me borrow DNA. Thank you AJ-sama for the sketchbook, color pencils, and photo album. Thank you Brad for the Fallen DVD. Thank you Fay for the touching booklet. Thank you Taku-chan for the Alucard capsule toy (though I haven't recieved it yet). Thank you Ang-san for whatever gift you're going to give me ^^(). Thank you Dani and Caty Beth for just being there.

.......I don't want to type anymore.

2002-12-11T11:53:00.000-10:00

John Adams, a classmate of mine, said something that kinda creeped me out. He said his mom and her friend went to Wal-Mart. In the checkout line there was an Arabian man in front of them, who came up 1.50 short. The friend gave him the money. While they were putting bags in their car the man comes up to them and says "You were nice to me, so I'll be nice to you. Don't eat at McDonalds before January 1st."

So uh, don't eat Micky D's.

2002-12-09T14:21:00.000-10:00

*gets a happiness overload from this*

EEEEEEEEEEEEeeeee!! Hi Nextgen! *wavies* You're welcome and all that good stuff. *feels so honored to be linked...oddly enough*

I'll be sure to link you once I get off my butt and edit my template. ^^()

2002-12-08T14:11:00.000-10:00

My mother always bitches at me for not going to the mall to try on clothes, but when I ask her if she wants me to go she always says "No. You'll bitch the entire time." WTF?